dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
