Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
...so i touched it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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