i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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