sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
