im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize