my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
