i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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