did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
