Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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