when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
