girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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