he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
