with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i out mim tonsoeep
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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