Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
