I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
