I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
