You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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