Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
