1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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