i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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