stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
