You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So much rum. So many feels.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest