I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.