I faked an abortion last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.