The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
