please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.