oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.