youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
