pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is wine microwaveable?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
