I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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