i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
