why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
