If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
