you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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