he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
