i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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