Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
