based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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