you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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