The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
