i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
