on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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