She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
