she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's never too late to be topless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
