He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize