Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
