You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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