i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
