Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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