C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
