I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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