we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
