Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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