party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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