I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i believe in u and ur pee
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
