I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
