My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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