its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
