I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize