dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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