Someone shit on the floor
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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