I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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