I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
