If that was your dad, he is hot
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're like the curious george of whores
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
