He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
