Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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