Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
