Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
