My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
