I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
