Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
