I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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