rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
