Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
