i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
