This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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