I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
