Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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