Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
