Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
