so explain again why im purple
no
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
